Thinking of you..

I wrote a letter to my son today... 

But I don't think I'm ready to share it with the blogging world just yet.

This isn't a pity post and I'm not fishing for any sympathy... 

It's just that at the end of the day when I'm laying in bed, I can't help but wonder about how different my life would be if he were here.

He would've been 3 months old today.... 

And I'm sure I would've been that mom that keeps him all to herself and doesn't let anyone (unless it's Rob, my mothers or my sisters) hold him or take care of him. Lol..

And who would he have looked like?

Robs convinced that he would've had my "Lolohea nose", and I def think he would've had Robs "Mataele eyebrows" lol.. But no doubt, I know he would've been a momma's boy for sure.

As much as I would absolutely love to have him in my arms right now, showering him with kisses and squeezing him tightly...... I think about how extremely hard it would've been for Rob and I  to take care of a baby at this point in our lives. 

Mentally??.... We were ready.. and still are ready.

But financially????... We would've really struggled. 

....and with living in a different state without our family around to help us out...... It would've made things even more harder. 

It's sad to say, but I don't know how we would've made it work.

The Lord works in mysterious ways... And though I was at that point where I was asking myself, "Why me?" .... I'm understanding why certain things happen the way they do.

It sucks.

But I get it.

And even 9 months later...

 I still feel like there's a small hole in my heart. 

But I know that it's a void only my future babies will be able to fill. :)

Rob and I have been trying too... 

But again, we're just letting nature take it's course..

Holy heck, I just realized that I've talked about babies these past few posts.. 

Talk about baby fever haha

I better tone it down a notch. 

Anyways, this was all just on my mind.. Nothing extreme... 

Good night bloggers!

Xoxo

rambling..

The end of October is drawing near and before I know it, my husband will graduating from the University of Arkansas with his Bachelors Degree in criminal justice.

..crazy how fast time flies..

We always talk about how we would've never pictured ourselves to be where we are now five years ago.... and we can't even tell ya where we'll be five years from now.. but wherever it takes us..

we're ready for it.

I always have to remind myself that change is a GOOD thing.

Because I always tend to think the worst in things.. which is why I always find myself becoming an emotional wreck all the time.

(I blame my mother)

I over-think things.

A LOT.

..and it drives my husband insane.

He's the type that takes things day-by-day... whereas I'm the type that'll stress (and I mean REALLY stress) over a bill that isn't due until 2015..

yep, that's me.

..and I'll cry and complain over it until someone (usually my husband) snaps me out of it and calms me down...

How does he do it?

I do not know.

But I guess that's why we're meant for each other.

He keeps me sane...

and without him I'd probably be hanging from a tree... lol.

*sigh*

Still no baby luck either.. [insert sad face] but I constantly remind myself that only God knows when I'm ready.

We're in no rush.

..and it will happen when it's supposed to happen.

So that when it does, it'll be that much more special.

[insert happy face]

On that baby note, last night Rob and I got to FaceTime my sister-in-law (who is about 5 months pregnant) and her husband to see them cut their "gender reveal" cake!!

Come March, we will have a new baby BOY added to the family and Rob and I are more than excited and happy for them.

Our families are growing.

..and I LOVE IT.

Next month Robs brother will also be returning from his mission and we're crossing our fingers that our bank accounts will let us fly to Utah for his homecoming. lol.

These next two months are gonna GET IT.

Until next time bloggers.

With love,

The Atigas