peace and blessings

It's just about time for bed and here I am, blogging and 21 weeks pregnant. (wait what?) yes, you read right. Rob and I are MORE than happy to announce that we are expecting yet another baby boy.... but most of you already knew that. haha. My dad is convinced that I'm meant to have boys and my sisters call me "the chosen one" because they all have girls. haha. I honestly thought it was gonna be a girl this time around, but I guess that somewhere up in heaven there's a boy that wants me to be his mom.

As you can only imagine, finding out that I was pregnant again not only filled my heart with pure joy... but it also brought feelings of anxiety. Lots and lots of anxiety.

This pregnancy so far has been different in most ways compared to my last. It's actually been great for the most part... And I do understand that every pregnancy is different.... but there's always that part of me that wonders if things will be okay in the end. If this pregnancy will be a successful one... if my baby is still doing okay inside of me..... etc. I know I shouldn't think this way. But after 3 consecutive losses, can you blame me?

Peace was definitely something that I felt like I needed on a daily basis. And lately I've found that through prayer and temple visits. Something I never thought I needed as much growing up and now I feel like it's the only sense of comfort that I have. I may not visit the temple as much as I need to, but I know and feel the happiness and love when I'm inside and it's almost like every worry I ever had/have is gone. Of course I still do have my occasional anxiety episodes, but I really think that I would be a crazy pregnant woman if I didn't have something to help me chill out once in awhile. lol.

Since I am now considered a high risk patient, I have switched doctors and am now seeing a specialist in maternal fetal medicine. It's been so great getting the extra attention that I need and the extra ultrasound appointments to help ease my anxiety as well. Not to mention one of my friends from high school gave me her fetal doppler so that I'm able to listen to my baby's heartbeat on my own time :) I've considered this all to be a blessing. My mind can be my worst enemy at times and it's just nice to have that support.

As I get farther along I've been feeling lots of movement lately and it's become my new favorite thing! Every time I feel a kick or a turn, I feel warmth inside my heart... and it makes me that much more excited for our little guy to be here. How this pregnancy will turn out, only God knows. But whatever the outcome may be, my husband and I are grateful to be chosen again and we are enjoying this journey as much as we can. If it's meant to be, then it will be.. and with time and lots of prayer, we fully understand that now. Not saying that my heart can take anymore heartache, but it's better to have loved and lost... right?

Ok I know I am sounding kind've negative but I promise you I'm not. Lol. I've actually been surprisingly positive throughout this pregnancy. Well..... as positive as I can get. haha. I'm ready. WE are ready. And are just so excited. It's crazy how much you can love someone you've never met ;)

December can't come soon enough :)

p.s I will do my best to keep the blog updated on pregnancy. If not, there's always social media haha

xoxo,

Nik